


It Ain't Easy (Lovin' Me)

by b_dubinsky



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Top!Ryan, based around the 'legend' saga that you can see on any given day on ryans instastory, bi angel ryan dzingel, bottom!Brandon, brandon comes out because he likes ryan, completely self indulgent, gay horror brandon dubinsky, homophobia and abuse from brandons dad, i dont know anything about brandons dad though so sorry if its inaccurate, this got flithy, unnatural use of the words 'dude' 'man' and 'bro'
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-01-22 20:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18535231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_dubinsky/pseuds/b_dubinsky
Summary: If Brandon could say he knew what was going to happen when Ryan Dzingel came to town, then he would totally say it. But he didn't. No one did.All Brandon knew was that he was getting a cute, bright-eyed kid with a big smile from the Senators and that would be that.





	1. I'll Sit and Watch Your Car Burn (With the Fire You Started In Me)

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'it ain't easy' by jason aldean

If Brandon could say he knew what was going to happen when Ryan Dzingel came to town, then he would totally say it. But he didn't. No one did.

All Brandon knew was that he was getting a cute, bright-eyed kid with a big smile from the Senators and that would be that.

Seeing how Ryan was coming down with Matt Duchene, another acquisition from the deadline, on that plane in the back looking scared to death but still smiling his wide smile made Dubi's heart quench and his eyes linger on him a little longer than was maybe appropriate.

He was at practice the next day and he was introduced to everyone on the ice as Brandon was going over some faceoff strategies with PL so they were both occupied, but once they were done, he came and introduced himself, bushy tail and all. 

"I'm Ryan. Nice to meet you guys." He smiled, taking off a glove to shake their hands.

PL introduced himself first, telling him to call him whatever because he had about a million nicknames and then it was Brandon's turn. He had about as much anxiety flowing through him as a fucking high schooler.

(Seriously, he read an article about it one time. They have higher stress levels than asylum patients in the 50s.)

"Yeah, I'm Brandon. You can call me Dubi." He smiled, tight lipped and forcefully, shaking Ryan's hand.

Ryan seemed a little like he thought he did something wrong for a split second but skated away as chipper as ever.

Brandon was out to a number of people in his life; Ryan Callahan, Dan Girardi, Ryan McDonagh, Brian Boyle, his brother. The only people he thought that mattered who didn't know were his parents and his team. 

(But seriously, fuck his dad. Brandon has never particularly enjoyed the way his dad had been with him but what the fuck can you do? Whine about it?)

No one on his team knew, though. Not this team. A few of the Rangers he had been on a team with knew but no one here in Columbus.

Automatically, they all thought he was naturally just a badass but that's not how it was. From a young age, Brandon had this mindset that since he was gay, there was this big risk and someone was going to find out somehow so he just played like he was a hardass and hit anything that skated and dropped the gloves with anyone who tried shit. Obviously he isn't really like that. He has a huge soft side that he doesn't let anyone see unless he knows them personally. Very very well.

There have actually been instances where people (his mom) have come up to him and asked why he is such a dick on the ice when he's the biggest sweetheart ever at home.

The answer to that question is the simplest yet the hardest thing he's ever answered: the ice is the hardest place he's ever had to be on and if he has to match himself to the texture of that very surface to get by then he fucking will.

He gets a case of beer on the way home, a 30, and has every intention of just chilling on the couch the rest of the day and sip on some shitty beer, but as soon as he walks through the door, he's having to hurry to put his beer into the fridge so he doesn't drop it while he's answering his phone, an unknown caller on the ID.

"Hello?" He answers, a little out of breath from trying to wrestle his beer into the fridge without dropping the entire case.

"Hey, it's Ryan. I was just wondering if you would show me around Columbus?" He says it as if it's a question and that is the most endearing god damn thing.

"Of course I will, dude. How'd you get my number, though?" He laughed and then internally rolled his eyes because he's such a dumbass.

"Boone gave it to me. Said you'd be the perfect person to show me around, If not, bro, it's totally cool. I can call Nick or Cam or someone to take me out." Ryan is quick to dismiss him in case he doesn't actually want to take him through Columbus. Show him the ins and outs of the city and show him where he likes to go after a particularly tough game.

He actually needed to get Ryan to know he was going to do it before he could  _do it._

"No, no Ryan. It's alright. I've got you, man. I've got good places to show." He actually shook his hand in the air as if Ryan was there in front of him.

"If you're sure, Dubi." He spoke a little hesitant.

"I'm sure. What hotel are you at?" Brandon was vaguely sure it would be the same hotel he had gotten when he first got traded here but you can never be too sure.

"I'm at the Courtyard one." Ryan responded and by this time, Brandon was stepping out of his Converse and slipping on his slides.

"I'll be there in a few. Room number?"

"408."

And with that, Dubi found himself in his fucking Jeep Wrangler, driving toward Ryan. 

\--

"What's up, dude?" Ryan greeted with a big smile as he came out of his room.

"Getting ready to take you on the best adventure of your life." Dubi laughed and found Ryan laughing along with him.

A laugh shouldn't be that infectious, but horse shit, here we are.

"Now I don't wanna sound like a heartless dick or anything," he started, hearing Ryan mutter a small 'oh god' from the passenger seat. "but everything you knew from Ottawa? Throw that shit away real quick. Not just on the ice either. Obviously that's important too because we're a different team and we have a different dynamic, but also off the ice because again, we are a different team with a different dynamic. I know a lot of people shit on Torts and therefore think that Columbus in itself is a bad place to end up, but let me tell you something about both of those: I have found myself drowning in a sea of John Tortorella a lot in my career. He coached me in New York, I got traded here and then bam! He magically shows up here. He's tough at times to play for. He will chew your ass up and spit it out, bag skate you for hours for wearing your jersey wrong, and humiliate you in front of the team all the time. But I'll be damned if he isn't the best coach I've ever worked with and if you ever start to think that he's just a little unbearable then don't worry because that's a side effect that comes with him. You just have to know that he does everything he does everything he does for the betterment of the team. Another thing about Columbus; yes coming from a place like Ottawa means it's a huge downsize, but that doesn't automatically mean it's a horrible place. The first thing that popped in my head when I got traded was, 'seriously? Columbus, Ohio?' But you can't look at it that way. Sure the people are a little wacky but they're crazy about hockey and sure, it's small, but it's more homey. All I'm trying to say is have a fun time and don't get too caught up in the fact that you were traded." 

Brandon's monologue let him a little breathless and realizing he was at the first place he wanted to show Ryan: the entire rink.

"So this is the back alleys of Nationwide they all tell the rest of the league about?" Ryan joked, pushing at Brandon's shoulder.

"Yeah man. You have to know exactly how to get through it or the ghosts will get you." Brandon laughed, picking at Ryan's shirt.

"Haha very funny." Ryan rolled his eyes and Brandon laughed, pushing him a little bit.

"You know all the guys though, right?" 

"I keep getting mixed up between the Markus'." He sighed as if it was a bad thing.

"That's ok. So, Hanni has like, white hair and it's almost always slicked down. Nuti's hair is a little yellowish blonde. They're both Finns though, so there's that." 

"And Ryan Murray?"

"He's the country looking motherfucker who is always hurt." He laughed.

"I think I'm gonna like it here." Ryan said sincerely, walking into the locker room.

"Where'd they put you?" He asked as Ryan walked over to his new stall.

And he was right in front of Brandon.

He's so totally fucked.


	2. A Closet Is Dark and Smelly (You Don't Need To Go Back There)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What scares Brandon the most is that people will see exactly why he acts the way he does if he comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of coming out and being afraid about it tw. don't read if this will trigger you. I care about you guys <3

What scares Brandon the most is that people will see exactly why he acts the way he does if he comes out.

Like, he's an asshole because he's afraid. He brushes things off because he's afraid. He's reckless because he's afraid. He's afraid that no one will look at him the same way. He's so fucking afraid that no one will love him anymore. 

Because of course he has people that love him. Who doesn't? But coming from a little place in fucking Alaska kind of put him in the mindset of an old timer but around the age of 13, there was no way he could deny the way he felt towards other boys.

He always felt, and still feels like he is performing a tightrope balancing act in a tiny capsule where everyone he loved was gradually letting the oxygen out. He couldn't catch a break. 

The thing is, a lot of people would assume he's being selfish in that he doesn't want to come out for his own reasons, but he's really trying to protect himself. He was always trying to protect himself.

But upon the arrival of Ryan, and all the extra time he was spending with him, he was reconsidering his decisions and he though it may be time for people to know.

"Hey, dude, I know you're probably having dad time with Big D and all, but I thought you should be the first person I called to tell you about this." Brandon started his conversation with Cam this way so there's no way the little dude wasn't scared.

"Are you ok? Do I need to like, pick you up from jail or some shit? Ooo you got kidnapped!" Cam tried to guess what was going on and Brandon chuckled at his efforts.

"Nah dude. It's nothing exciting really. Like, it's been a part of my life for quite some time and a few people know like, my brother does and a couple people from my old Rangers team knows. Cam, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm gay. I know it's not fair that I kept this from you guys and that my old teammates knew but I think now it's just time to get it over with."

No matter how much Dubi seemed like he couldn't be fazed, he was freaking the fuck out right now.

"Brandon I...that's totally fine, dude! You know you didn't have to feel like it was some big deal, right?" 

Of course he didn't know that. He hadn't known it when he was 12 and kept watching 10 Things I Hate About You just to watch Heath Ledger have his little solo on the bleachers. He hadn't known it when he left to go to Portland as a wide-eyed, bushy tailed 16 year old and got his first 'boyfriend'. It was really just a teammate who wanted to fuck and then would practice and play games with him like nothing ever happened. He hadn't known it when he got drafted to the Rangers and ended up going on an absolute binge of fucking random guys in random places. 

When he got traded to Columbus, it all changed for him though, really, and he hasn't hooked up with a guy since the time he brought a guy back from a fucking Denny's and he threatened to out him if he didn't let him fuck him.

"Yeah. Yeah I know." He sighed because, yes. He does know now.

"I love you, dude. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah. I love you, too, Cam." Brandon smiled and let him go back to playing with his kid.

He called so many people from the team that he felt as if they ran together but he knew it was worth it. His final two calls were going to be the hardest though.

Torts and Ryan.

He may never be able to tell you why he saved Ryan for the last two, but he did.

"Hey, Dubi. There an issue?" Torts asked when he got on the phone with him.

"No, coach. Just, I've told everyone today cause I feel like it's an important part of me, that I'm gay and I hope there's no bad feelings for this."

"Now Brandon," oh god a first name. "when did you know you were gay?" He asked and that was...not what Brandon had expected.

"Uh, 13 I'm pretty sure is when it was like, solid."

"Ok, and you still got drafted?"

"Yeah." He answered, confused as fuck now.

"Look, Dubi, as long as it doesn't interfere with how you play hockey and how you treat, and get treated out there and in the room, I don't give a fuck if you have sex with cats. I do want you to know that I don't have a problem with this and if anything happens, you can come to me. You understand?" 

"Yeah, I do, Torts."

"Ok. I'll see you at practice."

"You too." 

May Dubi say again that that was not what he was expecting.

He knew Torts actually had a heart. He isn't a monster although he may seem like it sometimes. He just simply works hard and wants people to give him back the same effort.

So now it was down to Ryan.

And his mom he forgot about her, but yeah.

So he calls his mom first.

"Hey mama." He greeted as she answered the phone.

"Hey baby. Everything ok?" She asked, concern lacing her voice like every time he slipped and fell on his face on the ice on the winter or he scraped his knee when he fell rollerblading in the summer.

"Everything's fine, yeah, I just have something that I've wanted you to know for a really long time."

"Well, what is it honey?" She asked, still sounding concerned for her son.

"Mom, I'm gay." He spoke surely.

Why was he so confident? Maybe it was because he wanted his mom to know that he meant every word of what he was saying and that he was sure of what he is.  _Who_ he is. 

"Well baby, that's ok. If you have known this forever and are just now telling me at  _32 years old_ I swear to go Brandon Grae Dubinsky, I will pinch your cheeks off." She giggled but he knew she was serious.

"I've known since I was 13 mama." He spoke, scared of her reaction.

"I can't do anything about it now but I wish you could have known that you can come to me for anything. You understand me, Bran? Anything." She was as serious as ever and he knew that.

"Yes, mom. I know. Look, I still got some people to tell, so I'm gonna let you go. I love you." 

"I love you, too, honey." 

So now it was time to tell Ryan. Again, he doesn't know why he waited to tell Ryan but oh well. He did what he did.

"Hello?" 

"Hey, Ryan. It's me, Brandon. I just wanted to tell you something that I literally just called everyone I know to tell."

"Yeah, man. What's up?" He asked, sounding as if he was sitting down to take some particularly hard news.

"So I just wanted to say to everyone that I'm gay and you're last on the list so there ya go. I'm gay." He said, putting up his guards for some reason.

He hadn't built up his walls talking to anyone, even his mom, so why would he now?

"Oh, that's cool. I'm bi." He announced like it was nothing.

But to Brandon, it was everything. It was everything and nothing because he hadn't had a clue. Not one fucking idea that Ryan liked chicks  _and_ dudes. But now he did and  _oh_ is that a thing or what.

"Oh wow, that's...that's rad, bro." He said, smiling despite the fact that he knew Ryan couldn't see him. 

"Yeah. Pretty big piece of information, Dubi. You good with it being shared like that?" He asked.

"Of course. It was time." 

"If you were ready then that's what maters." He said and then a second later, "You know you can come to me for anything, right? I'm here for you." 

"Yeah. I got it, Ry, thanks." He spoke again, trying to hurry the phone call.

"Alright. I'm gonna let you go and let you think about how shit can change for the better after this." 

"Ok, bye, Ryan."

"Bye, Brandon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title of the chapter from SKAM France


	3. Mostly I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have 10 Things I Hate About You."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theyre snuggly bois

"Wanna go eat after practice?" PL asked as they were tying up their skates.

"What's the occasion, Luc?" He asked.

"There's not one. A bunch of the younger guys were tasked with asking the older guys to lunch so I'm asking you." 

"Yeah, I'll be your lunch date." He said and they laughed.

So that didn't change.

The fact that he could still joke around with everyone like that and it wouldn't be considered inappropriate amazed him but it was one thing he wouldn't have to adjust to.

The main thing he was having to adjust to, though, was the fact that his feelings for Ryan definitely wouldn't go away because since he had found out, he's been giving Brandon this like,  _look_ like he just knows there's something going on and he can't get over it.

When they got to lunch, just guess who he got sat in front of.

Ryan.

Obviously, I mean, as if his life couldn't get any fucking harder, this shows up. He's just living his best life right now.

"What's everybody want?" Nick asked, looking down the table at everyone.

'To be moved from this spot before I make an absolute fool of myself.' Dubi thought, but he can keep shit to himself if you couldn't tell.

He ordered a burger and fries because, if beer can't help, calories can.

He doesn't give a flying fuck about meal plans anymore, he's 32 years old. He doesn't need someone to tell him what he can and can't eat.

When they leave, he's trying so hard to just  _get to his Jeep_ like dude, that's all he wants, but of course, Ryan has to yell at him.

"Brandon!" He exclaims and Brandon turns around and finds that his phone is up.

Brandon puts on his dumbest smiley face he can and runs toward his Jeep, getting in it like an idiot.

Ryan opens the passenger door after with an explanation.

"I rode here with Nicky, and he already left so can I catch a ride with you?"

"Well yeah, dude, hop in." He replied, starting his car.

"So a Jeep." He laughed.

"Uh, yeah, what's wrong with my Jeep?" He asked, dumbfounded at the thought of someone judging his Jeep.

"It's like, the worst thing to drive ever. A Subaru is where it's at."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now, Zinger? You're ridiculous, get the hell out of my car." Brandon exclaimed but laughed so he obviously didn't mean it.

"What, I'm telling you the truth." Ryan laughed.

Silence settled in after a minute. 

"Wanna come over and have a drink? Watch a movie?" Mistake.

"Sure, dude."

\--

"I have old horror movies or Miracle. There's no in between."

"What scary movies do you have?"

"Only the best. The old Pet Semetary. Halloween, Saw, just the best shit."

Ryan was in the kitchen popping popcorn and grabbing some beers for them while Brandon was fooling around in his movie cabinet when he landed on the old movie he always used to watch.

"Yo, Ryan." He said, still looking at the case.

"Yeah?"

"I have 10 Things I Hate About You."

"Oh hell yeah. Let's watch it."

At this moment in time, Brandon wondered why he always had to open his mouth. Why he always said shit. He should have just kept it there, in the dark of the cabinet under his TV, but no. He can't have it that way. Always has to bring things back from the dark of where they originally were kept.

"You sure? We can watch something different-"

"No it's cool. I love that movie. Let's watch it."

Ryan was in the living room now, sitting their popcorn and drinks on the coffee table, walking over to Brandon to snatch the movie out of his hands.

Dubi just sighed and got up to go to the couch as Ryan put the movie on. 

"I used to watch this movie all the time when I was little. I loved it, dude." Ryan smiled, eating a piece of popcorn after sitting down beside Brandon.

"Man, Heath Ledger was the shit for me." Brandon beamed at the TV as the movie began.

"Dude, same."

They watched the movie in relative silence, laughing at parts and putting in little bits of commentary up until the part where Julia Stiles gets drunk and Heath Ledger takes her to the swing.

"You know, I've always wanted to do that." Ryan spoke, sounding amazed.

"Get blackout drunk and almost strip in front of a whole ass party? Been there, done that." Brandon said as if it was nothing.

"No have someone care about me enough to drag me out of a shitty situation that I put myself in."

"Oh. That didn't happen to me I just passed out on the pool table." Ryan rolled his eyes and pushed his arm.

By the end of the movie, Ryan had burrowed himself into Brandon's side, and Brandon's arm was slithered around Ryan's body.

It only took a second for him to realize that Ryan was asleep.

"Hey. Hey, Ry. Lets get up for a second so we can go lay down, yeah? How's that sound?" He spoke as quiet as possible, moving a little to get Ryan to sit up.

"Bed?" Ryan slurred and that was good enough for Brandon.

"Yeah. Bed. Lets go."

He held Ryan by his shoulder as he stood up and then he put his hands in Ryan's, leading him up off the couch and taking him to his room.

He pulled the blanket back and fluffed the pillow back a little before he let Ryan get comfy, tucking him into his bed.

He went to grab an extra blanket and a pillow to take to the couch when Ryan reached out for him.

"Brandon. Sleep with me." He made clutch hands at Brandon and he couldn't help but out his cover back and set his pillow back on the bed, turning off the lights and laying under the covers.

He a nd Ryan had had about 6 beers each out of the 12 he had left from his 30 pack so he was leaving all of this to the fact that thy were probably halfway to drunk.

Except-

"I've only been here for a little bit but I kinda like you. You're nice even though you seem like an asshole to opposition. I like being around you." Ryan slurred, turning over to drape an arm over Brandon's waist and push his face into his neck.

"I like you kinda, too, Ryan." 

He was already asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from 10 things I hate about you


	4. Dress Me Up and Take Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can we stop at like, a Goodwill or something like it on the way?" He asked, real quiet like he was planning a murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from some Marilyn Manson song

They make the playoffs by the skin of their fucking teeth literally. They shouldn't even be here, but Tex came out in his debut flying and everyone was on top of their shit.

Dubi just really loved playing for the Blue Jackets right now.

Things with Ryan actually didn't go back to normal. Ryan had admitted the next morning that he wasn't  _really_ that drunk and he meant what he said.

So they were  _talking_ you could say.

And yeah, this is completely foreign territory for Brandon. He's never been apart of a relationship deal. He's never had to take someone else's opinion or well-being into consideration when making a decision.

He's always up for a god damn challenge, though. 

He's found that he's smiling 99% more often than normal and his heart is doing this weird quenching thing in his chest every time Ryan does something semi-cute.

He's a mess.

Going into the playoffs, they are very much thought of as the underdogs. The last seed going against the top seed. The worst team in the playoffs against the best team in the  _league._ It was hard.

"I am nervous. Nervous as hell. I've been there for so long and I've gone through so many first round heartbreaks and even not making it. Like, the fact that these fans still haven't gotten a taste of even the  _second_ round, that's horrible." He sighed as Ryan tied his tie. 

"I'm going to get this series win for you if it kills me, Bran." Ryan spoke surely, grabbing Dubi's shoulders and shaking him gently before fixing his hair a little.

"Ok. I believe in us." Brandon replied, and, listen, he's never been the sunshine and rainbows type, but Ryan is changing him mood by mood.

\--

Brandon's ears are going to start bleeding.

A huge game 3 win at Nationwide was just what the boys needed to have the confidence to get the series done on Tuesday.

After all was said and done, they were going to sweep the Lightning in the first round.

Pretty good outcome if you ask Dubi.

But no one was asking Dubi.

Except for Ryan.

"Told you." He said simply, smiling as he walked back over to his side of the room, undressing.

They all went out for some drinks but Dubi and a few others didn't stay long. 

Ryan didn't either.

"Can I come over?" He asked.

"Of course you can." Brandon replies with a big smile. 

"Can we stop at like, a Goodwill or something like it on the way?" He asked, real quiet like he was planning a murder.

"Uh, sure." 

And because Brandon would do anything for Ryan and he trusts everything Ryan believes in-even his sense of fashion-he ends up having a mini fashion show, dancing to a mix music radio station in his living room with Ryan Dzingel.

"No, no, Brandon, put the pink scarf on with the fedora!" Ryan laughed as he put on a shimmery green button up.

So he wrapped the pink scarf around his neck and topped it off with a yellow fedora.

"This looks so dumb." He laughed and Ryan pulled on the scarf to get him closer.

"You look great."

Brandon couldn't tell you why anything that had happened tonight happened but he is glad that it's all led up to right here and right now.

Right here and right now being that he finds the courage to kiss Ryan in his living room while dressed up in Goodwill clothes.

The kiss gets heated rather quickly, be it from the fact that they've each wanted one another for a few weeks now or that they're a little tipsy, and Brandon is not objecting.

Ryan moves them easily to the couch, sitting on Brandon's lap, legs bracketing his thighs.

"I've wanted this for so fucking long what the hell." Ryan sighed against Brandon's lips, moving his mouth to his neck, sucking a little bruise there.

"Me too. Can I?" Brandon asked, hands ghosting over Ryan's belt.

Ryan nodded and Brandon undid his belt, unbuttoning his pants and pushing them as well as his underwear down enough to show his dick.

He was already hard enough to be leaking so Brandon spread the precum down his dick and started to jerk him with a slow rhythm.

"C'mon Dubi, please." Ryan whined, resting his forehead on Brandon's shoulder.

He sped up a little bit and Ryan moved Bran's fedora off his head before pulling the shirt off of him. 

He bit down Brandon's chest as the hand on his dick moved faster and and faster. 

When he came, it was all over Brandon's chest. He felt boneless but he moved to his knees quick to return the favor.

"Oh, Ry, you don't have to, y'know, blow me."

"Shut the fuck up and let me suck your dick." 

Brandon wasn't going to argue with Ryan's persistence.

Ryan knew how to suck a dick, too, Brandon will give him that much. He knew to start slow and work on the head before trying anything else and he did everything that drove Brandon crazy without them even being together.

It didn't take long for him to come down Ryan's throat and never had he ever heard someone's voice be so jagged and raw sounding after a blowjob.

"Come on, let's go lay down."

"We'll talk about this tomorrow?" He asked, stripping his clothes the rest of the way off as they walked through the hallway.

"We will." Ryan assured him and he believed him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOODWILL AND SEX


	5. He Ain't Something I Could Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the event of a negative, Ryan was his positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know a thing about Brandon's dad, so I apologize if this is hella inaccurate
> 
> known angel ryan dzingel makes his presence known

Brandon woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and his phone buzzing on his nightstand, doing nothing to cure the pounding behind his eyes.

His phone stopped ringing and he took a minute to admire the feeling of stinging in multiple places running down his chest and on his neck. 

He also noticed the extra warmth along his side and over his waist where Ryan was wrapped around him like a koala on a limb.

Dubi really,  _really_ liked Ryan.

He as drug out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing on the table once again.

"Motherfucker. God dammit." He grumbled quietly, trying not to wake Ryan.

'Dad' the caller ID said.

"Hello?" He asked in as small as possible so not to wake up Ry.

"Why the fuck are you so quiet?" His dad pretty much yelled in his ear.

He groaned and slowly moved away from Ryan. 

"What do you need, dad, I was trying to sleep." He rolled his eyes internally, cursing his dad for this.

"Your mother told me the news and I'm not happy about it." Brandon pulled the phone away from his ear to put it on speaker and brush his teeth. "I don't agree with that and you know I don't. I thought I raised you better than that."

"Dad, just because-"

"Just because what, Brandon?" His dad interrupted.

"Well I was gonna tell you and the you interrupted me so whatever now." He went back to brushing his teeth.

"No, tell me what you were gonna say. I swear to god, Bran." 

"I think he was gonna say that just because he is gay doesn't mean you did a bad job raising him." Ryan came in, wrapping his arms around Brandon from behind.

"Who is that, the little twink you're messing around with?"

"I would appreciate if you just didn't talk about my boyfriend like that." He spoke, defensively.

He was a protective guy, everyone knew that, don't act surprised. 

"Well, don't you dare call me if you need out of something. Don't call me, don't text me, and definitely don't come around when I'm here. I tried my best for you and this is how you end up."

"Dad it isn't like-" and a click.

"I'm sorry, B. I didn't know that was gonna happen after you came out." Ryan was sincere as he squeezed between Dubi's front and the bathroom sink.

"There were gonna be positives and negatives, but nobody knows exactly who's gonna be a positive and who will be a negative."

"You're right. That aside though, I guess we don't have to have that talk now." 

"I'm in if you are, that's how I'm looking at it." Brandon smiled.

"Me too." Ryan added and kissed Dubi's nose.

In the event of a negative, Ryan was his positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 'it ain't easy' by jason aldean


	6. Can't Be In A Room With You (And Stand On Different Sides)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from 'finesse' by drake  
> (made up dog btw lol)

Brandon knew it was bad, but it was gradually getting worse. Already.

He didn't understand why he was already so attached to Ryan. They had only been together for a week. 

All he knew now, though, was that he didn't know how to not see him everyday. 

"Good morning." He smiled as Ryan slid into Brandon's Jeep for morning skate.

"Mornin', babe." Ry smiled groggily, leaning over to kiss Bran's nose. 

"What's up?" Bran asked, pulling out of the hotel parking lot. 

Ok, he knows its pretty ridiculous, but he's sort of getting tired of having to pick Ryan up from a  _hotel._ He knew himself that things were going a little fast, but he couldn't help the fact that he liked Ryan  _a lot_ and he wouldn't mind waking up to him every morning like he did the day his dad called him. 

And the night they had before that? Brandon could do that every minute of every day for the rest of his life.

He didn't wanna lose this and you better believe he was trying hard. This wasn't some teenage relationship that could just be brushed off.

"Nothing much. Last night my mom called me and I got to see the new dog." He smiled thinking about the puppy.

"Cute. Name?" 

"Maisey." 

"That's adorable. I wanna see her." Bran laughed. 

"I told her I met someone." Ryan said quietly after a minute of silence.

"You did?" 

"Yeah, I hope that's ok."

"Of course it's ok, baby. It would never not be ok. Did you tell her who I am?" He asked nervously.

"Yeah. While we were facetiming, she looked you up and said you were a ten." He smiled, cheeks tinting a shade of pink.

"Well at least your mom approves." 

Practice was as easy and fun as it always was, chasing his team around before becoming serious and having their actual practice.

He watched Ryan strip out of the corner of his eye and eyeballed him going into the showers.

"Wanna catch lunch and then come over? Watch something?" 

"Obviously." He smiled, kissing Brandon's cheek. 

There is like, no way that just happened because no one else knows they are together but not one person in those showers said anything out of the way.

"Ok." He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im always available to do requests hmu on here or on tumblr @b-dubinsky Instagram @nhldubinsky and @duhhitsreilly and my snapchat is joshklingy


	7. The Softest Lumberjack I've Ever Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wanna feel like that all the time." Brandon slurred.
> 
> "I know. I know, baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from Ry's insta story the other day

If Brandon is 110% honest, it didn't hurt as bad as it normally did because normally it was the first round they lost in.

No, this year, they made strides and made it to the second round, haters and analysts be damned.

And the other refreshing thing about the second round was that they frustrated the Bruins and took it to six, more than anyone else expected out of them.

So the off-season automatically gave them time to recuperate and work out some unknowns most often referred to as the roster.

The night they lost, god he'd be lying if he said he didn't cry. Everyone cried. 

But Ryan cried the most and it was really surprising because he had only been there since the deadline, but it hurt Brandon to see Ryan hurting. When they got to Brandon's house, he held Ryan close on his lap with Ry's face hidden in his shoulder.

They fell asleep like that and the next day, they had Josh's birthday.

Everyone was a lot happier than they had been the night before, celebrating the 25 years Josh had lived on the planet, making everyone realize that hockey is second to the family they all had here in the team.

Ryan and Brandon drank cheap champagne and ate not-good food and overall just put the thought of losing in the backs of their minds.

And the day after, they went to throw axes.

Dubi couldn't even tell you why he wore what he wore, but Ryan absolutely loved it-said he was going to properly take him out of it when they got back to his house-and that was all that really mattered.

Ryan and his fucking Instagram stories, really.

He got Brandon and his atrocious outfit on a recording, throwing an axe and then cleaning it off stupidly. He's a wreck, how does Ryan like him?

(Ryan did take his clothes off of him when they got home and he sucked his dick again, letting Brandon come on his face.)

When all the guys decided to go to Nashville for Riley's birthday, he really couldn't blame them. He can understand just losing big in the playoffs and wanting to have fun and not think about it but the thing is-

The thing is, Brandon really wants to be alone with Ryan.

So he sends Nasher a happy birthday text that morning when he wakes up with Ryan almost literally on top of him like a grown up baby and rolls Ryan's-weirdly light-body over gently and goes to take a shower.

He had thought of all the ways he could ask Ryan about like, the whole  _fucking_ situation. 

He had thought about just a heat-of-the-moment thing, saying it when they are right in the middle of something. He also thought about having an adult conversation about it like he knew they were both capable of. 

Either way, they both ended in the same way: with Ryan's weight over him, pinning him against the bed, deep kisses against his lips and his nails forming raised, red lines against the skin of Ryan's back. 

Just thinking about it made his dick become slightly interested, but he didn't think it was enough to go all the way. Not under the cold of the spray which he preferred for an early morning shower. 

That's another thing; he thinks it may be a little too early to get too far into something. 

He heard the shower curtain being pulled back and he jumped, turning around to meet Ryan's sleepy gaze. 

Sleepy, naked gaze.

"Heard the water." He slurred, voice sounding as tired as he looked. 

"Uh, yeah. Thought I'd shower before you woke. But I guess I woke you in the process." Bran chuckled nervously, trying to make sure that Ryan hadn't seen the fact that he had become 75% more interested since Ry had hopped in the shower with him.

"Yeah, you did, and I see something else is awake too." He tried his best for a sexy smirk but he was too tired to make it look very appealing. 

He mostly just looked cute and innocent, recently having shaved his beard and it gave him more of a baby face if that was even possible.

Brandon gasped as Ryan took it upon himself to put his dick in his hand.

He moved in a little closer to Brandon, tipping his chin up to whisper in his ear as he started pumping slowly.

"We haven't talked about, like, everything yet. You wanna give me the rundown?" He asked quietly, breath ghosting hot over Brandon's ear.

"I'm a bottom. I think about you fucking me all the time. It's all I want." He muttered back in that same tone as Ryan. "Nice and slow or fast and rough. Whatever you want to do to me, I'll let you do it."

"I wouldn't have taken you for a bottom, but I'm glad you are. That's what I was worried about, though, because I didn't know if you would be and that's why I didn't ever bring it up."

By now, Ryan was fierce in the keeping of Brandon's cock in his hand, jerking him fast, not concerned with that fact that, oh, Brandon probably won't be able to get up again if he comes right now and he really wants Ryan inside of him.

"Stop, stop, please." He pleaded, trying to push him away.

"What, did I say something wrong?" Ah, there's his Ryan who's always scared that something he's said or done has been wrong.

"No, no, just, I'm old and if I come right now, it's hard telling how long it may take for me to even be in the races again. I just want you to fuck me." He admitted.

"That is something I can do. I'm going to go actually shower in the other bathroom, I want you to get yourself ready for me, ok?" Ryan asked, kissing his cheek, leaving no room for questions as he slid out of the shower and went down to the guest bathroom.

Brandon breathed heavily for a few fleeting _moments,_ trying to get his wits about himself before he started to get himself ready. 

Don't get him wrong, he enjoyed giving himself pleasure, but it wasn't on his mind all the time, so he couldn't tell you the last time he had actually put his fingers inside of himself.

And when he did today, it hurt but it felt so good at the same time.

He got to three, bent over and holding himself up with his unoccupied hand on the shower wall, when he got needy.

He pulled his fingers out slowly, turning off the water and getting out to go to the bed, finding Ryan already there, jerking off gently.

"Heard you whining in there." He smirked, releasing his hold on his dick.

"Yeah. Thought about you." Brandon admitted. 

"Come here." 

So he's a riding type of guy.

Brandon moved slowly over him, knees bracketing his thighs. 

"Like this?" He asked quietly, shy for some reason suddenly.

"Yeah, just like this." Ryan muttered huskily, wrapping a hand around Brandon's hip and letting the other find his cock, guiding it up and Brandon down.

At the initial resistance, Brandon and Ryan both moaned, and Ry bucked up harshly making Bran gasp once more.

He dropped onto the rest of his dick slowly, stopping when he was fully seated, letting his hands grip onto Ryan's chest. 

"You feel perfect, baby." Ryan spoke, looking directly up into his eyes.

And that-

That is way too much for Brandon at once so he pushed his head down into Ry's chest, moving his hips up once and then back down again.

He made a slight rhythm out of that, going slow and not too even in his thrusts just loving the feeling of Ryan's dick sliding against his insides.

Ryan eventually got impatient, wrapping his arms around Brandon and moving them over to where he was on top of Bran. 

He never came out of him so he just ended up going full out, not having any regard for Brandon's now loud moaning and the scrape of his nails against his back.

Ryan moved on hand up Bran's arm that was splayed beside his head and tangled his fingers in Brandon's, using his other hand to wrap around his dick, jerking him a few times before Brandon blacked out from coming so hard.

He doesn't remember feeling Ryan come and he also doesn't remember feeling Ryan pull out, but when he comes to, he feels a cold sensation swiping against his stomach and gently across the insides of his thighs.

He faintly hears the sound of a loud squishy  _thump_ against the hardwood of his floor.

He opened his eyes right as Ryan laid against his chest and he wrapped his weak arms around his body.

"You were so good for me." Ryan whispered, sucking a tiny place into Bran's collarbone.

"Wanna feel like that all the time." Brandon slurred.

"I know. I know, baby." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im soft and hard at the same time

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for this really, dudes I just love this


End file.
